shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
