Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize