even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize