before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
