I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize