how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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