I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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