so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
