Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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