is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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