What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
