Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My life is pants optional.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
