my vag is so smooth its legendary
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
