I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
