You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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