No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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