I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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