she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
