if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
