I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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