just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
