And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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