ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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