I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize