I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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