I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You have to summon your inner elephant
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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