A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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