woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
