he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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