Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize