you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize