i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
