Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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