Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
What drink are we having for lunch?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
