Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
