my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
