If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
