my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
