roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
