I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
