My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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