your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
