I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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