I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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