Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
