i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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