I think I died a long time ago.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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