Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
