I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my shit smells like andre
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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