2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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