The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
