we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
