why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
