You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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