My balls are so social today.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
