I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
