you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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