Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
