Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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