I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
