you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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