Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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