No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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