Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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