omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize